Condependent No More

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A healing touchstone of millions, Codependent No More, is a modern classic that spent over three years on The New York Times bestseller list and made codependency a household word throughout the world. Because of this book author Melody Beattie is now recognized as one of Americas best-loved and most inspirational authors. Her books reflect her simple yet revolutionary knowledge about refocusing our energy away from things we cant control and devoting our attention to what we can, ourselves. Codependent No More contains dozens of real-life examples, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests to help the reader fight codependency and grow strong.

Codependent No More directly deals with the common condition called codependency. The word Codependency is relatively new to the scene, but the concept is as old as time. Codependents were originally identified as alcoholics or substance abusers, but the term has come to describe any person who has lost their sense of self for whatever reason, and as a result have problems in their relationships. People who allow others moods to control their emotions and in turn try to control that persons emotions by becoming responsible for them can be labeled Codependent. It is believed that those with low-self-esteem or people who have never fully developed their sense of self fall prey to Codependency. These people search for happiness from an outside source and not from within themselves. Unfortunately once a person becomes a victim to Codependency, they find themselves trapped in a process that they will repeat with many people in their lives.

Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie is one of the first books written on this phenomenon and gives a solid history and background of the problem, followed by examples and possible recovery options for the Codependent. Melodie Beattie has had a difficult life her self, surviving alcoholism, drug addition, rape, prostitution, and finally rising above beinga welfare recipient to the undisputed queen of advice about dysfunctional relationships and mental health. Her personal experiences and case examples can be found scattered throughout the book. This is oddly comforting and lets the reader connect and identify with the author and her examples as human beings sharing a common problem. Its like being part of a support group while you read. It teaches the reader that getting past being a people-pleaser does not make them nasty or selfish or an egomaniac. Instead it allows them to give there selves fully to things that they want to give to. They also learn to say yes to what they really want to do instead of being a doormat who can never say no because it just isnt nice. Codependent No More is separated into two parts. Part one is called “Whats Codependency, and Whos Got It?” This section identifies codependency, describes its characteristics and analyzes it. It contains stories, like “Jessica’s Stories” as well as personal stories of the author and many others. The second part, called “The Basics of Self Care” is more focused on detaching yourself from being codependent and how to live your new live. It teaches the reader to accept their new feeling as well as themselves. This section is truly enlightening. Total there are twenty extremely informative chapters and each of these chapters are bite-sized, relating just enough wisdom to get the point across. At the end of each chapter there is a one-liner that sums up the concept or idea of the chapter. Also following each chapter are activities to do that help the reader gain insight on their problem and show them how to manage and change there self-destructive behaviors. This kind of self-help book can often be daunting and overwhelming because of the nature of the subject, but Beattie manages to make the book extremely accessible, mainly because of her easy writing style but also because of the book’s format. However the most amazing aspect of the book is the way Beattie passes her magic and spiritual techniques that she used to transform her own life, to the lives of her readers.

All together I enjoyed reading this book because it helped enlighten me to the self destructive patterns of codependency. Even though I do not suffer from codependence the book gives a clear insight on how to deal with all types of feelings such as fear, despair, depression, and anger as well. It also discusses how to process these feelings rather than denying them and then how to move on to feelings like love, joy, fulfillment, and just feeling okay about yourself in general. The other aspect I enjoyed was how the author delivers her message with a ‘velvet hammer’ touch. I would recommend the book to people who want to discover that they have this problem and are looking for some answers and some comfort on how and why these self destructive patterns have become an intricate part of their daily lives.

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Codependent No More is where recovery begins for many people, this inspiring, straightforward, personal explanation of what codependency is and who has it gives readers the option to change unhealthy behaviors and stressful relationships, as they rediscover hope, guidance, and encouragement. Like it did for me, Codependent No More opens doors to understanding and I feel very few people could ever read this book with out taking something positive away with them. Whether Codependency is part of your life, or some one you know, Codependent No More will guide you along a pathway of self-assessment, discovery, and fulfillment.

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