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Dear Frank,

I have heard some strange stories about your affairs in the last time. Now I am a little bit confused and I hope you can make it easier for me to understand.

Students found bottles of whisky and scotch in your rooms and some even told me that they have to deliver this alcohol for you. As you can imagine I am not sure what to think at the moment. Was that only nonsense or am I supposed to worry, my old friend? Frank I want to help you. Do not misunderstand me. Remember we were in the same squad in WW II and I will hate it if I have to dismiss you, it would be a great loss for our staff and not a very good advertisement for the university.

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What’s about a study trip to Down Under? The staff invented the idea to send you there for two or three years to enrich our university with a specialist for foreign literature. That is the chance for you. You know what I mean.

Oh, I forgot how is your Open University Tutorial? What was the name, White? Yes. I hope you do not loose your last nerves with this working-thing. When I saw her last time she looked a little bit disturbed. Does she wear that white skirt the whole day, it looked like one from the hairdresser. I am sure I know now why you drink. Just kidding.

Sorry for the question but did you see the drunken bum in our school park last night who screamed two hours that he does the rhyme wrong? And, it was strange, but I thought I recognize the face. It was so disgusting. We have to hire some security men. Tell me if someone sees him again, please.

At least I worry about your social contacts. When did you speak the last time with human beings except your wife and this underclass girly? When have you left your room the last time? You do not go to the cinema or to the theatre. How do you want to keep connected to the staff?

I realize that we have to discuss a lot, so what would you say if I invite you to a cocktail party next weekend. I am sure Professor Hamilton will also come, and maybe even Doctor Lector. It is going to become interesting. But, you know, please eat at home, my wife, how shall I tell you, she even burns cheese when she puts it on the bread, do not ask me how. But if your nice wife can make some titbits I would not say no! But no alcohol, only wine, you understand? We can talk about your career as a poet; you did not publish poems in the last years. What is going on with you?

Give me answer, please.

Yours faithfully

Robert Hughes

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